joi, 14 august 2008

Punitive Software Development

The current project manager I’m working with, answers to all my whinnying about things that I don’t like in the current project with “M, you’re always complaining about the project and what a torture it is to work on it. You should take my example: I’ve been working on crappy software projects for the last 1134 years and I’ve never complained!”.

To which I respond “Yeah you’re kind of right, but I want my life expectancy to be greater than 50, and I don’t find premature gray hair sexy”. Of  course, I don’t say it out loud.

What did I learn from my experience with software projects:

- software projects are always short on time

- software projects must build upon and fix older, incomplete-or-completely-failed, software projects

- there aren’t enough good developers around

- developers have to completely rely on business analysts for the communication with the client

- business analysts will always be more focused on gathering request from the client, rather than trying to find solutions for their problems with the tools that the developers can provide

- the test team will be treated as if they are from Bangladesh even if they work in an office next to yours

- agile techniques are just for showing off: “Yeah, we have a two week release period for each of our builds, and we hold daily scurm meetings, and we are so agile and so extreme that I just can’t stop looking at myself in a mirror”. Yeah you dumb agile f#*k. Just a little more agile and you could lick you own balls. You think you’re agile, but you still plan a project into requirements gathering, development and implementation. Really agile, no waterfall in here. If you wouldn’t have realized that regular testing ensures that your piece of crap software is less shitty (this is the original test driven development: give the test team something that barely resembles a software product and hope they will guide you towards an acceptable application), you’d still be doing testing at the end of the development phase.

All of this must change…

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